Cement Heart

At such times of joy, one can feel heartache just as easily.  It comes and goes as quickly as a hummingbird to its feeder.  The anticipation and guilt overwhelm her into anxiety.  All she can do is what she's taught herself what is right.  But, is it?  Is it morally acceptable?  She knows it isn't.  So many risks...so many tears...so much pain.  Everyday, "I can't take it anymore!".  Yet, the hurt still rears its ugly mug right next to hers.  Knowing the consequences of what could be hurts even more.  How can such mentality breed within?  There could not be more despise for such a thing in this world.  But also, the love and desire for it continues with each passing second.  How badly she wants to take a shard from her nightmares and cut deep into her "dreams".  Nothing can take away the happiness...except happiness itself.  Are you?  Why are you even happy?  She apologizes for her lack of love and emotion.  It doesn't matter though.  She is but a monster now.  She has gained a life no being could ever wish for.  Desperation leaks from her pores.  When will it end...?

Just Breathe

Won’t you give this thing a chance?  You are not what you were when you were young.  Getting up is hard to do sometimes.  You know you have to get through another day doing the same exact thing you did yesterday.  Maybe you’ll eat something different, maybe your heart doesn’t beat on the same exact second, maybe your life will end today.  No one knows.  Trying to live as if every aspect of life is beautiful is not a difficult thing to do.  She goes outside every day, same time, same porch swing…watching the birds fly above and the trees sway their branches.  The world has beauty but we usually don’t see it unless we STOP.  She stares into the deep night sky.  Its freckles blinking back into her wondrous eyes.  She cannot fathom that she was a single cell for half an hour at one point in time.  Her wounds heal but leave scars of remembrance, her hair grows longer with every passing day, her thoughts grow more complex with each passing second.  Leave the phone beneath your pillow and walk outside.  Just breathe…