I Still Love You...Afterall

Love is a powerful thing.  We all feel it some point in our lives.  Whether it be from a parent, a friend, a lover, or a stranger.  The act of kindness is inevitably...love.  Love confuses some people, however.  Most of us cannot understand the origins of it or how it works.  Some say it's the warm fuzzies in our hearts.  Others say it's complete bliss.  I think it's what we have to offer to each other.  We all strive to find love.  Some find it in partners, some don't.  A realization came to me tonight.  Not only am I very much in love with someone I have known for 5 years now, but I am also in love with being in love.  That heartache you feel when someone you love passes away or moves on.  That's love...dying within you.  I have felt that.  That love is still always there but it slowly disintegrates throughout time.  Blown was my mind tonight.  I could not handle it so I broke down and had a good cry.  The night I fell in love with this person I started to cry as well.  I'm not sure why.  I've never cried on account of falling in love, just falling out of it.  I think what love is trying to tell me is...each time is different.  You will always feel wonderful and complete with it, but the person makes it different.  Now, I am of course talking about relationships.  I once found a love I could not be without.  It lasted a week.  I still feel it within me.  It is the strangest type of love I have ever encountered.  Almost child-like and worry free.  The love I have now is nothing like that.  It is more mature yet still fun.  I do worry sometimes.  This person is indescribable.  I know their flaws and I know I am in love with them as well.  Yes, some things annoy me but we work through it.  This love is so strange to me.  How have I not felt this before?  This love keeps me going.  I will not give up on myself because of this love.  It is now both my strength and weakness.  Moreso strength.  It is my courage...and I will carry on because of it.  I love you. 

It's Natural To Be Afraid..

Who are you really?  Is this world the reality you are supposed to face at this exact moment in time?  Maybe this is an alternate world to the one that is real.  How do we know?  How does this work?  I wonder what it would be like to be in a different world.  I imagine trees floating around me and harmless tornadoes.   Waterfalls from every angle the sky expresses.  The sky isn't just blue though.  It is as if an artist made a brush stroke of every color in all different directions.  The stars come out during the day and the moon is iridescent.  Every season is around every corner.  How am I not living in this world I have come to realize in my mind?  Maybe I am just waiting for that time to come where universe's collide and the gravity is changed instantaneously.  That moment in time where your mind leaves, wanting more answers and becoming more curious than it ever was before.  This world is your home now.  You explore it for all the years to come.  Who knows how long that will be?  Forever is a simple word for everlasting.  You see the universe now as it was in your mind for eternity.  What could be better than that?  Animals can communicate with you, but this isn't Narnia or anything silly like that.  This is magic.  Wondrous beings and creatures come out to play with you.  Innocence is back.  You may scream as loud as you wish and nobody will hear you.  What purpose would you have in this world though?  You have everlasting life in a valley of opportunities that are not present in the world we live as of today.  My world sounds so much more glorious....how do I get there?  God replies that he does not want me there quite yet.  I must continue to be in this one for now.  I cannot sing without worry, I cannot fly without falling, I cannot fight loneliness.  The only way to change the gravity, is to fly...