Cement Heart

At such times of joy, one can feel heartache just as easily.  It comes and goes as quickly as a hummingbird to its feeder.  The anticipation and guilt overwhelm her into anxiety.  All she can do is what she's taught herself what is right.  But, is it?  Is it morally acceptable?  She knows it isn't.  So many risks...so many tears...so much pain.  Everyday, "I can't take it anymore!".  Yet, the hurt still rears its ugly mug right next to hers.  Knowing the consequences of what could be hurts even more.  How can such mentality breed within?  There could not be more despise for such a thing in this world.  But also, the love and desire for it continues with each passing second.  How badly she wants to take a shard from her nightmares and cut deep into her "dreams".  Nothing can take away the happiness...except happiness itself.  Are you?  Why are you even happy?  She apologizes for her lack of love and emotion.  It doesn't matter though.  She is but a monster now.  She has gained a life no being could ever wish for.  Desperation leaks from her pores.  When will it end...?